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Monday, 14 February 2011

Essay Introduction

Here is the Inroduction of my essay.

1 comment:

  1. Interim Online Review 15/02/2011

    Hey Sasha,

    You've pretty much clinched it, story-wise. A couple of things to watch. I love the opening - very strong - but I'd take issue with having the boy smiling; after all, he's not acting up because he's a villain or because he doesn't know right from wrong; he's upset, angry - if you give him a smile, it suggests rather that he's enjoying himself and being a 'little shit' and liking it - when in fact, he was just unlucky enough to get caught nicking stuff for his grand design.

    The other challenge for you is how you articulate the marriage problems visually? How do you give this message out to the audience and make it distinct from their annoyance at having their son brought home by 2 policemen? What you could do, of course, is have the parents divorced already, with just the mum, and somehow show the father in a photograph on the fridge or similar? Just a thought*

    In terms of the 'stealing stuff' sequence - you could show this as a montage - different places, different stuff being stolen - so move it beyond the houses of his neighbours. I just find it too 'convenient' that his neighbours should have unicycle in their garden. Just put together a whole series of shots of things being whipped away from their owners etc. It doesn't matter 'how' or 'when' - what matters is we see him nicking stuff and thinking the worst of him.

    *just had an additional thought: maybe the parents aren't divorced - maybe the dad is dead and maybe you could show, though a photograph again, that his dad was an astronaut? Which would only become significant when the mum goes up to the attic and sees her son is trying to be 'close to him'. A real tearjerker that one - and certainly a 'dead dad' would explain his bad behaviour (or mother's perception of it, as such?)

    Regarding the essay - great choice - but that intro needs some serious editorial work: for example, the big sentence in which you list the (impressive) sources can't simply start on 'Francois' etc. You probably wrote this quickly and intend to re-write, but you need to work on your 'intro speak' - i.e. 'Sources include...' Try and slim down your intros as much as possible and just keep everything cleanly articulated and specific.